


Scared Outta My Fucking Mind

by Guacamoledisco



Category: Good Game (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Boys Kissing, Crying, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hugs, I Made Myself Cry, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Kissing, M/M, Men Crying, Sad and Happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 01:54:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21579610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guacamoledisco/pseuds/Guacamoledisco
Summary: Alex needs to get something off his chest
Relationships: Ryland & Alex Taylor (Good Game), Ryland/Alex Taylor (Good Game)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 32





	Scared Outta My Fucking Mind

"Please kiss me" he whimpered, his voice raspy and sore from vomiting as he begged for attention and affection, his head laying on the toilet seat rim. He had previously puked his guts out from another night out.

Ryland had to double-take. 

"You want me to....kiss you?" 

He wanted to. So bad. He wanted this to be real and not because of the alcohol or because Alex constantly needs another warm body to lean on.

Alex nodded shyly and sat up, nervously playing with his hair.

"I'll-I'll brush my teeth before, I just really wanna kiss you so bad and I really like you and I can only say stuff like this now-" 

"How long have you..'liked me'" he put hard quotation around the likeing part. 

"At least a year or two..." He whispered 

A year or two?! 

"And why are you now telling me?" He asks, a little skeptical.

"I-I've tried, I've tried t-to be affectionate and like touchy and I was so scared, s-shit, I still am. I'm so fucking terrified" 

He gets choked up and starts to cry again, bawling into the palms off his hands. 

Ryland sighed and awkwardly rubbed Alex's back. He was never good at comforting, it was so uncomfortable to watch someone cry. He never knew what to do or say. 

"Why are you scared?" He asked quietly once Alex is somewhat calm again.

"I-I'm scared you'll reject me. Say you don't feel that way and then...then things will be different. We'll be apart..more than we already have." 

Ryland was about to conment on the "more than we already have" part, but Alex continued.

"I'm scared you'd put distance between us, deny me the little bit of affection I have. I'm scared you'd be angry, call me a liar, become resentful..kick me out, leave me to die on the streets..." 

His voice had dropped down to a whisper at the end but Ryland heard it loud and clear. His heart felt like a big crack had split it. 

"You really think I would...." He couldn't finish. 

Alex started to cry once more, gasping between each horrible word. They were all filled with such dread and fear, Ryland was almost starting to become scared. 

"I-I keep having these-these endless nightmares of you finding out and then you leave me, wall yourself up..or rather wall me up until I have mothing left...and-and I know, I know it would never be like that. No matter what but...." 

He looked up at him, his bottom lip wobbling and his big brown eyes filled with fat tears. 

The image almost makes Ryland tear up. 

"I'm still scared outta my fucking mind." He whispers.

"S-so I can't tell you" he continues "At least not when I'm sober" 

Ryland was speechless, he didn't know what to think. 

"I um.." He gulps "I'd never kick you out..for anything" was all he said. 

"Good to know I could be a murderer." He sniffles and tries to joke but it comes out off and doesn't even get a fake laugh which hits him the hardest since his dark humor was always Ryland's favorite. It was the one thing that could pull a genuine giggle from his lips, no matter how upset he was. 

But now it was just dead silence. 

Alex's least favorite sound.

"Um..but yeah..can I kiss you?" He asks again. 

Ryland shoves all his thoughts away, not wanting to deal with this shit at two in the morning.

"Brush your teeth." He said simply. 

Alex shot up from the floor and stood in front of the sink, grabbing his glittery blue toothbrush. Ryland remembered when Alex insisted he get a matching glittery pink one. He quickly turned down the offer and settled on a plain mint green one, aka the first one he grabbed off the shelf, convincing Alex he loved it so dearly to get him to ditch the pink. He even remembered about a week later him saying that he thought the green suited him better anyways.

Alex brushed his teeth for a solid three and a half minutes before sitting back down on the faded white tiled floor in front of Ryland. 

"Um, I'm not sure how you're wanting to do this.." 

"I want to climb in your lap and kiss you till you're out of breath.."

Alex blurted, turning a dark red after his realization. 

"But..that's probably too much so I guess just a simple peck.." 

Ryland knew it was just his imagination, but he swore he heard the slightest challenge in his voice. Which kicked his competitive nature into full drive. 

He patted his lap.

"Hop up." 

Alex stared, utterly speechless like Ryland was not minutes ago. 

"Now before I change my mind." He rolls his eyes. 

Alex quickly scrambles and sits carefully on him, trying not to move too much, like when you have an itch but there's a sleeping animal in your arms and you're scared they'll leave if you reach for it. 

Ryland pulled him closer.

"Relax, just fucking...calm down." 

Alex nodded although his heart was beating like a damn drum. It sounded like Josh Dun was chilling in his chest. 

"Just...I'm gonna lead okay? You seem like you're about to have a damn heart attack," Ryland said gently and caressed Alex's cheek.

Alex leaned into the touch and nuzzled into his big warm hand. 

Ryland almost chuckled from how pet like he was. 

"I'm gonna lean in okay?" 

Alex nodded and sat up, shifting on Ryland's lap.

Ryland swallowed thickly and gripped the other's hips before slowly leaning in and pressing a firm kiss to his slightly chapped lips before pulling away. 

Alex let out a shaky breath with a small smile. 

"M-more?" He whispered and tried to lean back in.

Ryland scoffed fondly.

"You're not even gonna tell me how I did?" 

Alex pulls him back in and kisses him, much deeper than before. 

Ryland could taste a tiny bit of the alcohol from earlier, which okay, that was gross. But whatever. He finally felt okay for once and he wasn't gonna let some stale beer ruin it.

He kissed back and started to smile before Alex pulled away.

"You did amazing" he said softly before hugging him tight. 

"I like you so fucking bad man." He whispered 

Ryland took a deep breath and hugged him back.

"I like you too,"

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this 4 am shit show  
> If you like/want more, leave comments or kudos  
> :)


End file.
